Are you Catholic enough to laugh at a Catholic joke like this one?

July 31, 2011


A guy goes into a restaurant and is greeted by the hostess, who asks: “Smoking or non-smoking?”

“Non-smoking,” he replies.

He is seated and the waiter comes over to his table to take his drink order.

“I’ll have a Coke,” he states.

The waiter says: “Diet or regular?”


“Caffeine or caffeine-free?”

“With caffeine.”

The drink is brought to his table and the guy orders his food. The waiter asks what kind of dressing he’d like on his salad: “Italian, French, Thousand Island or raspberry vinaigrette?”


“Regular or fat-free?”


The man orders a steak with vegetables and potato.

“How do you want that prepared: rare, medium rare, medium well or well done?”

“Medium well.”

“How do you want your vegetables: raw, steamed, baked, boiled, blanched or fried?”


“And how would you like your potato: Baked, French fried or mashed?”


Finally, the poor man has had enough and looks up to heaven and shouts: “I can’t take all of these choices!”

The man calls up his patron saint saying: “St. Francis, help me — help me with all these decisions!”

At that moment a voice booms from the sky: “Assisi, Xavier or DeSales?”

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About Bob Zyskowski

Bob is the Client Products Manager for the Communications Office of the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. A 40-year veteran of the Catholic Press, he is the former Associate Publisher of The Catholic Spirit. You can follow him on twitter or email him at

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  • Brian Sullivan

    The 3 things God doesn’t know: what the Jesuits teach, what the Dominicans preach and how many orders of Franciscans there are!