A boy comes home from Catholic school and tells his mother he has a part in the class play.
She asks, “What part is it?”
The boys says, “I get to play the part of a husband.”
The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”
He’s got a million of ’em, does Deacon Tom Sheridan.
And they’re not all that lame.
In “The Third Book of Catholic Jokes,” Sheridan offers a collection centered on aging and relationships, and chances are you’ll chuckle at the majority.
You may very well have heard versions of some minus the Catholic angle, but that doesn’t detract from what I think is the real service Deacon Tom is doing with all three books in this series: All these are jokes one can tell in mixed company — and even in church. You’ll find these Acta Publications paperbacks at most religious goods stores.
Here’s my personal favorite joke from book number three:
At 75, the elderly pastor was finally retired and enjoying his one passion: fishing.
He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice cry, “Pick me up; pick me up!”
Looking around, he couldnsee anyone. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again, “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and there, floating on a lily pad, was a frog.
“The priest said, “Are you talking to me?”
“Yes,” the frong repled. “Pick me up, kiss me, and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you’ve ever see. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I’ll be your bride.”
The pirest looked at the frog, reached over and picked it up carefully. Then he dropped the frog into his front pocket.
From the depths of the pocket the frog cried out, “Are you nuts? Didn’t you hears what I said? Kiss me and I’ll be your beautiful bride.”
The priest opened his pocket looked down at the frog and said, “Nah. At my age it’s too late. I’d rather have a talking frog.”