I want to be noticed!

The Catholic understanding of the Trinity is all about inclusion.  The Father loves the Son.  The Holy Spirit is that love and through that love we all belong. I am not very good about the math part of the Trinity.  The whole 1+1+1=1 thing is confusing to me but I do like to focus on the idea that I get to be included!  I read once that when we make the sign of the cross – we are placing ourselves into that Holy Trinity – we are asking to be included.   Inclusion is part of our faith and should be how we strive to live the way Christ has taught us.

Inclusion is a frequent topic in the area of disability outreach.   Deacon Sean Curtain, director of outreach for people with disabilities in the Archdiocese, recently  relayed to me three very important wants that he sees in all people, not just those with disabilities. All of these “wants” have to do with inclusion. One definition of inclusion is a sense of belonging: feeling respected, valued for who you are; feeling a level of supportive energy and commitment from others.  In homilies on inclusion he says, “We all walk around carrying three signs.

I want to be noticed,

I want to be heard,

I want to be loved.”

It is sad to see how often these very basic needs are not met in our day to day actions of our work, in our parishes and even in our families.

This is the first of  a three part blog where I hope to expand on this lesson of inclusion.

I want to be noticed! 

Our young people, and not so young people, have found creative ways of getting noticed.  Sometimes it is by hair and clothing style, other times it is through social media like facebook and twitter. The sad thing about the “virtual” experience of getting notice through social media is that it lacks a true human interaction.   From our earliest beginnings we strive for ways to be noticed.  Babies cry to get noticed and the terrible twos are a perfect example of some of those not so perfect ways of getting attention.  As we grow,  we learn to be noticed for our achievements of knowledge or ability.  Hopefully we come to realize that God’s love for us isn’t dependent on our achievements. God sees us. He sees us even when we are not at our best.  He loves us anyway!

It is through Christ’s example that we need to learn the importance of acknowledging and affirming others – of seeing them. I don’t believe I have ever read in any of the gospels that when someone turned to Christ – he ignored them. Imagine Jesus turning to someone and saying, ” I am just too busy right now, why don’t you take that up with Andrew.”

This Mother’s Day marks one year since my mother succumbed to cancer.  I miss her and think of her often. When I think of my mom, my mind usually turns to food or the family gatherings that were surrounded by food.  Once, while in high school,  some friends stopped over to my house. Before they could leave, my mother had emptied the entire refrigerator! She would not let them leave until they ate something! In the world of food pushers, my Mom was the Godfather or should I say the Godmother! I guess mothers and food are forever linked in most of our minds.  But the food we receive from our mothers is much more than food.  Our mothers are our first teachers and the nourishment that they give to us is counted in greater terms than calories.

When I walk into my kitchen today, I am not alone. Whether we know it or not, none of us is. We bring fathers and mothers and kitchen tables, and every meal we have ever eaten. Food is never just food. It’s also a way of getting at something else: who we are, who we have been, and who we want to be.

Molly Wizenberg, A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table, 2009

Yes we have a great gift from our mothers as they teach us who we are, who we have been and who we want to be.  May is also the month of Mary and on May 31st we will celebrate the great feast day of the Visitation.  In the same way our mothers taught us – OUR mother Mary teaches us through the food of life that she brought to the table – Jesus Christ. In times of prayer we turn to mother Mary to be taught the same lesson of who we are, who we have been and who we want to be and it is through Christ, the bread of life, that these things are revealed.

When looking through our church cook book I came across one of the most beautiful stories that illustrates this connection between our mothers, food and the bread of life.  The dedication in the cookbook includes a story from Father Kevin Finnegan.  It goes:

My mother, Evie, took delight in having a day off from work so she could dote on her children and bake bread! Several loaves would be gone within minutes of getting home from school. Several months after my mom died on May 22nd,1983, my family came to a deeper appreciation of mom, the bread baker.  My sister was looking in the freezer for something to cook for dinner when she came across a loaf of her bread. She brought it into the kitchen, and one by one she was joined by my father, my brother and me. We placed the bread on a cutting board and practically watched it defrost. Then we shared it among us, recalling with great affection the devotion which our mother loved and served her family.

“They recounted what had taken place on the way and how He was made known to them in the breaking of the Bread.”  Luke 24:35

My own mother was a kolacky maker, but I will include Evie’s batter bread recipe below.

What memories of food are forever connected to your mother?  Share them in the comments section below.

EVIE’S WHITE BATTER BREAD
1 c. milk                   2 pkgs. active dry yeast
3 T. sugar                1 c. warm water
1 T. salt                    4 1/2 c. unsifted flour
2 T. margarine

Scald milk. Stir in sugar, salt and margarine. Cool to lukewarm. Dissolve yeast in warm water.  Add milk to mixture. Stir in flour (batter will be fairly stiff). Beat about 2 minutes.  Cover and let rise in a warm place for about 45 min. It will more than double in size. Stir batter down, beat vigorously for a minute. Turn into a well greased 9x5x4 in. loaf pan.  Bake in preheated oven at 375* for 50 min.  (Reprinted with permission from Divine Mercy Family Cookbook)

Honor your mother this Mother’s Day with food and stories about family, whether your mother is with you in this world or with the heavenly bread of life.

WARNING – This may be a PG 13 Blog post.

It seems everybody is talking about contraception these days.   It used to be impolite to speak about sex in public and if you spoke to anyone about contraception, it would be only your most intimate friends. Now it has become the subject of coffee clutches, water coolers, the United States Congress and homilies!

If you haven’t heard about the HHS Mandate click HERE for a primer.

Hurray – it is about time we get this hush-hush topic out in the open and because I love to talk about my faith, I welcome the opportunity to talk about the church’s teachings on just about anything.

The question I get most often from friends, family and strangers is: ” The Bishops are just plain ignorant when it comes to contraception.  Don’t they know that 98% of women in their churches are using contraception? The church should change their thinking on this!”

I first ask them to look into that statistic a little further – how was the information taken?  Does it mean that one time a Catholic woman used contraception once? It certainly doesn’t mean that 98% of the women in the pews are currently contracepting.  – I would maybe need to confirm that with the 80 year old blue haired lady sitting in the front pew – but I am pretty sure she is not.

My reply to the the question is: “Of course the bishops know that a percentage of Catholics are contracepting.  Maybe even 98%.  But 100% of us have gossiped, Probably 99% of us have lied.  How many of us have stolen? Maybe we should change those sins too.  If we are going to change what is considered a sin based on how popular it is – I vote for changing gossip too.  I really like to gossip. It is my favorite sin – lets change it so I can always do it and not have to feel guilty or attempt to change my behavior.”

The thing is – the church knows that we are prone to sin and that is why we have the church’s teachings to rely on to help us hold to doing what is good for us instead of doing what ever feels good at the moment. Yup – The bishops know human nature or rightly Jesus knows it.

But Jesus would not trust himself to them because he knew them all, and did not need anyone to testify about human nature. He himself understood it well. (John 2:24-25)

Even though it feels good – gossiping is not good for me or good for my community. (neither is gluttony but since I write about food sometimes we won’t go into that one just yet)  Likewise, sex without responsibility is not good for us, our community or society as a whole.  The years since the sexual revolution has seen the downfall of marriage, the family and parenting. Sex before marriage has not been a great thing for our society.  Contraception makes it easier to just do what we want without consequences. The church, like a good parent, only wants what is good for us.

What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish?

Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? (Luke 11:11-12)

Regardless what congress has to say on this subject – the Catholic church will not be handing us (or more likely paying for) a scorpion.

I have spoken to women who have used contraception before marriage or  are possibly in a difficult marriage situation who say to me that they just can’t use Natural Family Planning.  It takes two to tango you know. NFP requires self control – for both parties.  I ask them to read Blessed John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and then ask them to tell me that it is not a beautiful teaching. It is important to know the value of what you are throwing away.  You can’t say it is not beautiful, because it IS a beautiful teaching and in a perfect world we all would be living it ALL of the time.  Instead, people want the church to change it’s thinking from this beautiful teaching and recognize human nature and let us do what we want instead of holding us to a higher standard.

And – maybe like myself and my favorite sins – some people can’t follow this teaching successfully.  Or maybe they can’t YET.

That brings us to the real beauty of our church.  Because Jesus knows human nature – he gave us this beautiful gift.  The sacrament of confession.  As Mother Theresa said “We are not called to be successful, we are called to be faithful.”

So once a month or so – I head into confession and confess many of the same sins over and over again. It occasionally seems futile, but the grace of that sacrament produces a miracle. Little by little – my behavior changes (I hope) to comply more and more to God’s will for me.  And maybe someday – in a perfect world – I will be living it all of the time.

I think they call that place Heaven…

March 25th marks the date of the Annunciation. It is the day that Gabriel proclaimed the good news to Mary that Christ would be born within her. This year – because the date lands on a Sunday – we are celebrating that feast on March 26th.

I don’t normally see this blog as a place for my personal stories but this day is special  – so bare with me.

It was on March 25th some nine years ago Christ was born within me too.

In 2003 my children were attending a Catholic school.  As part of the Lenten practice, they were offered the sacrament of reconciliation as part of their school day.  Though I was a cradle Catholic and my children attended Catholic School, I had not visited that sacrament since my Confirmation. For me that was when I was in 4th grade!  Prompted by what I now understand as the Holy Spirit, but at the time felt like the guilt of expecting my children to go to confession when I didn’t go myself – I made an appointment to visit the new priest at our church.  The objective of my appointment was to argue with him the teachings of the faith.  Filled with misconceptions and pride,  I descended on this poor priest as if I would be able to convince him to “set the church right.”  At that time I rarely went to Mass, never prayed and and I certainly didn’t know that the date of my appointment fell on the feast day of the Annunciation. I didn’t know what a feast day was and I would have had to look up the word “Annunciation” if I even knew how to spell it.

I would have then called myself a Pro- Choice Catholic! (Who knew that 6 years later I would be working on the Archbishop’s staff as the Respect Life Coordinator.)

What happened at that meeting changed my life.  As Father patiently waited out my arguments on contraception, abortion and the anti- woman establishment that I saw as the Catholic Church, he offered some education, but most of all he offered me compassion.  At one point I remember getting up to leave – I didn’t want to hear what he had to say.
Out of no where he said to me, “Sharon, what are you afraid of?” The words hit me like a ton of bricks.  I sat back down, cried for 5 minutes and entered into a confession – a real confession; a confession of my life, of all my fears and my pain.

When angels appear in the bible – it seems they always start out with the phrase “Do not be afraid. ” Our common idea of angels is  cute little cherubs or gentle looking young men with wings.  But angles – must be awesome – and I don’t mean in the way that we say pizza is awesome.  Fired by the Holy Spirit and carrying the message of God – they appear to us as something we ARE afraid of. Is it the wings of fire, glowing with bright light or with a voice that booms of an orchestra or organ?  What is it that we are afraid of?

Ultimately, I think we are afraid of the message that they bring; the message of knowing ourselves and of seeing ourselves as who we really are.  We are afraid because we cannot comprehend the idea that if anyone knew the real us – the us that only God knows – that we could really be loved in return.  We also are afraid of what God may ask of us if we accept that love and try to return it.

On the day that the angel Gabriel came to Mary and said “Do not be afraid” Mary carried Christ within her for nine months. She carried her love for Him through his death on the cross.

Was she afraid of what God might see in her heart?

Was she afraid of what saying yes to God might mean?
I don’t know, but her  “Fiat” meant that not only would she carry God within her womb, but that God would carry her and would always be with her.

I realize now just how unprepared  I am to carry God within me to anyone. I realize how unqualified I am to work for Life.  I realize how unworthy I am to even receive the Eucharist at Mass. But when I say ‘Yes” I don’t have to be afraid, because like Mary – God carries me too.

So this Lent, I ask – how long has it been since your last confession and “What are you afraid of?”

Thats my office behind the turn.

I have been watching the Red Bull Crashed ice shenanigans from outside of my office window across from the St. Paul Cathedral and I have been amazed by 2 things.

I have been amazed at the construction of this track for the competition. Construction started just after Christmas and in a few weeks time – 2 bridges, a hairpin turn, and towers for lights and cameras, a pulley system for a mobile camera and a small village of tents and table tops for the Red Bull hot spots. The sheer speed of this construction is amazing.

The second item of my wonderment is “Who would compete in a thing like this?” I decided that you had to believe in God if you were going to go down that track.

My thoughts proved right as I ventured outside of my building to mingle with the crowd of onlookers viewing the track. I bumped into two of the National competitors that had competed in the event the day before. One was from Chicago, the other from Milwaukee. I enquired if they had been to Minnesota before and they informed me that they both had met in the seminary at St. Mary’s in Winona.

I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. (2Timothy 4:7)

This competition got me thinking that a leap of faith or a leap down a hill of ice takes courage and also some training. In our spiritual life we need to train by visitng the sacraments and persevering in prayer – sometimes we are asked to take that leap of faith when we put our trust in God to answer a call.

Though these 2 young men had discerned out of the seminary – they proved to be men of faith and courage on the Red Bull course and off.

I wrote this some time ago, but it seemed appropriate to share as we review the past year and “clean our our drawers” to start the new year!

The Drawer
The drawer at the top of my dresser is one of those skinny drawers that are really useless for storing anything. I suppose some women use it for socks, underwear or even jewelry – but mine is a haphazard collection of items.

The drawer is a mess and their seems to be no rhyme or reason as to what it contains.

It contains my memories.

Some of the items in the drawer are easily recognized as having sentimental value, like the Mother’s day cards or the anniversary card from my husband. As typically would be found in most Mothers’ collection of mementos, you can find the plastic necklace made for me by my daughter and the gum ball ring that my, now six foot three, son bought for me on a Mother’s day many years ago. Others might also guess that the silly little hat decoration (a hat the size of a thimble) was a craft from one of my childrens’ school projects. The sweet love letters from my husband need no explanation.

Other items are more abstract. In this drawer I have a scrap of green cloth that was once part of a very ugly church banner that I had made and immediately realized it was a mistake. When the priest saw it he cracked a joke about how it looked like I was hanging my bath towels out to dry in the church. I think I keep it to remember not to take myself too seriously. I also have a piece of handmade wrapping paper from a gift given to me by a friend. It is red with handmade gold polka dots on it. My friend certainly didn’t make the paper – He most likely re-gifted the paper to me. I can’t remember the gift it was wrapped in – just the person who gave it.

Other items in the drawer recall memories more bittersweet – like the tiny crocheted pink rabbit pin my sister made in the year before she died – some 30 years ago. Or the newspaper article about the fundraiser that my husband and I did for a SIDS fundraiser after we lost our son so tragically. For some reason I kept a letter – a rejection letter of sorts – that brought me pain. I look at the letter periodically and remember the pain. Maybe I keep it as a way to guard myself from being too hopeful. Afraid of disappointment.

Some items are unrecognizable even to me. There is an assortment of rocks in the back of the drawer. No doubt they were given to me by a child on a walk, or I picked them up on a vacation. One is black flat and smooth. I am sure I took it from Lake Superior but I can’t remember if it was from a trip with my sisters or from a family vacation.

Sometimes the feelings attached to the memories change. What was once a sweet memory of my little girl, is now a reminder that she has grown up – the feeling is more bittersweet. The disappointment of the rejection letter has faded after the newness has worn away.

Periodically I clean out the drawer – once every ten years or so. I throw away the items that have lost any meaning or memory and keep others. It becomes a bit of a ritual for me, a time to choose what I will keep and what I will throw away. I think I will throw away that letter – time to let go of lost hope and hurt feelings and become hopeful once again.

Wishing you a very happy happy New Year!

Sharon and "the guys"

I recently had an opportunity to work on the House of Gratitude project at Divine Mercy parish in Faribault. The project, a Habitat for Humanity style project, is a home for our priests, a new rectory that will be situated near the new parish. The occasion for me to help at the house came after I had volunteered my husband to be a site host. A site host would be someone who would arrange coffee and make sure lunch was ready for the workers, but they are also the person on call to run to the hardware store or grab a tool for the workers. Having no building experience myself and barely knowing the difference between a Phillips and a flat head screwdriver, I thought that job might better suit my husband. It came to my attention that they were in need of site hosts and my husband was unavailable. Hesitantly I offered my “fiat” when asked if I would be interested.

This invitation came to me at a time when I was feeling unsure of myself, unsure of my abilities and unsure of my own value and not just in construction matters. In my work I find myself constantly reminding others of the inherent worth of every human being, but for myself I had started feeling deflated in my own abilities and lacked seeing my actual worth. I was beginning to loose sight of the fact that I too was made in God’s likeness.

My first day at the House of Gratitude introduced me to Bill Sartor. Bill has been working on “Habitat” houses for years and I was  blessed to meet him. His welcoming and friendly manner immediately put me at ease. Leading the opening prayer and signing in the volunteers were my first duties, but pretty soon I was looking for things to do.
Under Bill’s guidance and the others’ encouragement I started helping with the skilled labor. At first I was holding two by fours while one of the seasoned workers made a cut. In no time at all I was helping to build window bucks. (And now I actually know what a window buck is!) Whenever I was standing around looking for something to do, Bill would give me a quick tutorial on a task. Before you knew it I was using a drill, setting up scaffolding and actually helping others  put up the supports for the walls!

In Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians he speaks of the “authority, which the Lord gave for building you up and not for tearing you down.” (2 Corinthians 10:8) I realized that was what Bill and the others at the house were doing – they were building me up along with the house. Little by little, step by step I gained confidence and ability.

Encouragement is an amazing thing. So often I think we forget how much it means to each other. I often find myself encouraging my children, but I forget that it is needed for us adults too. Encouragement in prayer, encouragement in living a Catholic lifestyle, encouragement by letting others know that they are loved.
Later I met with a friend who had seen me on the day I was working on the House of Gratitude. He commented that I looked so free, relaxed and happy. I can’t quite explain why I had this feeling or why it was visible to others, after all I had just spent an entire day outside in very cold weather doing manual labor, but it felt better than a day at the spa!
Others who have helped with this task have mentioned the same feeling – there is something indescribable about it.

There is something other than a house being built here; as we worked on this house – God was working on us.

In the prayer that is recited at the house before work begins it states “As we build this House of Gratitude, may we all as one body turn our hearts more fully to You and receive from You the glorious vision of Your heavenly kingdom, our true home.”

I won’t be quitting my day job, as they say, to take up construction work, but I will remember that it is my job to help build up the community of believers by offering encouragement and with the encouragement of others I will continue to look for my true home.

Read more about the House of Gratitude in the December 22nd, 2011 issue of the Catholic Spirit.

I like to sew. When my children were little – I would sew them cute little outfits and took pride in how they looked. Even though I enjoy sewing – I would not call myself a seamstress. A good seamstress will make the inside of the garment as beautiful as the outside. The things I made looked good on the outside, but inside the seams were uneven, the stitches bumpy – there were flaws. Years ago I decided to enter an outfit I had made into the competition at the county fair. It was by far the best sewing job I had done.

The shorts set I made for my daughter had a cherry appliqué and rick rack trim. It was darling. When I brought it before the judges however, they turned it inside out and looked at all the flaws. It is funny how I felt embarrassed at that moment, having my mistakes being examined.

I started sewing again recently and came upon a similar experience and it got me wondering about how we like to only show our “best side” and how incredibly humbling it is to allow someone to see our mistakes. Even in the sacrament of confession, I find myself wanting to show only my “good” side. Some sins are easier to confess – or better yet I can easily delude myself into thinking that I look pretty good – from the outside. But if I were to examine closely the insides of my garment – I would see the flaws. Bumpy stitches, uneven seams and all.

Matthew 23:18 says it “Even so on the outside you appear righteous, but inside you are filled with hypocrisy and evildoing.”

God already knows my flaws and if I don’t examine them– I will never learn to become a better seamstress.

Preparing for a thorough confession is humbling, humiliating in fact, and it takes courage. (Not unlike bringing my garment before the judge) But God responds with mercy, the Holy Spirit responds with love, Christ forgives us and guides us.

Advent is a perfect time to revisit this sacrament. Many parishes are offering additional times for hearing confessions.
If you haven’t been to this beautiful sacrament in a while or would like help preparing for confession check out Catholic.org – http://www.catholic.org/prayers/confession.php

I may never be a seamstress – but I am reminded that my ultimate goal is not to sew the perfect garment, but to grow in holiness.

We all know of the movements of Occupy Wall Street and Occupy Minneapolis.   I propose another, decidedly Catholic, movement: Occupy Advent!

As early as Halloween, I started seeing Christmas ads on TV  and hearing Christmas music in stores and on the radio. I am no Scrooge – I love Christmas as much as the next person but I don’t think that holding Christmas in our hearts all year means to fall away to the commercialism of the secular season!

By missing this most important time of the liturgical year that calls us for preparation and waiting, we rush right into the Christmas season without the Christmas heart. The art and discipline of waiting is lost on our generation of “Give it to me now” attitudes. I am guilty myself when I find myself waiting more than 5 seconds for my computer to respond! A happening which gives me much fodder for the confessional. Which reminds me – celebrating the Sacrament of confession is another beautiful way to prepare during this season of waiting.

Advent waiting is anything but somber – we are waiting, but we are waiting for Christ so it is always a joyful waiting. So put away the Red and Green and let the first greenery that you bring into the house be an Advent wreath (If you missed the first week – jump in now!).

We need to bravely take back this time. I am not proposing to stand outside and hold a protest – rather hold off on putting up the tree, hold off on the Christmas carols, hold off on the parties and festivities… at least until Gaudette Sunday (That is the week that the priests wear the pink – I mean rose – colored garments. The term Gaudete refers to the word “Rejoice”. Rose vestments are worn to emphasize our joy that Christmas is near. Where as Advent as a whole is a bit penitential – by the time we get to the 3rd week – we can throw in a bit of rejoicing!) And when your neighbors ask why you haven’t lit up your outdoor lights yet – tell them you are participating in Occupy Advent.

Not sure what Advent is about? Check out this 2 minute video from Busted Halo:

Be brave!

What are some of your favorite Advent traditions? Please share them with me! We need to band together in Occupy Advent!

Maybe we should have T-Shirts made!

Start your Thanksgiving Day feast with this prayer from the USCCB publication Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers.

Thanksgiving Day Prayer

Lord, we thank you
for the goodness of our people
and for the spirit of justice
that fills this nation.
We thank you for the beauty and fullness of the
land and the challenge of the cities.

We thank you for our work and our rest,
for one another, and for our homes.
We thank you, Lord:
accept our thanksgiving on this day.
We pray and give thanks through Jesus Christ our Lord.

R: Amen.